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Billy Bradshaw
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Posted: Thu Aug 26th, 2010 05:41 am |
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Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, sits up and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close," the surgeon says. The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you're not! I'll close my own incision." The doctor hands him the needle and says, "Suture self."
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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bdi
Member
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Posted: Thu Aug 26th, 2010 06:18 am |
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I took my mother in law out last night. One punch what a beaut!!.
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"Success is an Enemy to the Loser of the Day".
"The Reebok is My Church"
"Wanderers is my Religion".
(After 61 years, you either have Bolton inside you, or you start supporting another Team)... Since I haven't started supporting another Team, tells my side of the story).
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trottskii
Member
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Posted: Fri Aug 27th, 2010 12:12 pm |
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| I dont know what all the fuss is about?Topcat lived in a bin for years without anyone batting an eyelid!
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"jay jay"so good they named him twice...
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Frankie
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Posted: Fri Aug 27th, 2010 01:15 pm |
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trottskii wrote: I dont know what all the fuss is about?Topcat lived in a bin for years without anyone batting an eyelid!
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Billy Bradshaw
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 4th, 2004 |
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Posted: Fri Aug 27th, 2010 02:48 pm |
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A new selection of 60 second microwaveable snacks have been brought out in Korea.
They're called Jack Rustlers
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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white4ever
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| Joined: | Thu Aug 14th, 2008 |
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Posted: Fri Aug 27th, 2010 04:15 pm |
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bdi wrote: I took my mother in law out last night. One punch what a beaut!!.
wish someone would do that to my mother in law.
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liamBWFC
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Posted: Wed Sep 1st, 2010 01:50 pm |
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| My wife cried when an airline made her book 2 seats. You'll get 2 meals i said to her, that cheered her up.
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bdi
Member
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Posted: Wed Sep 1st, 2010 06:53 pm |
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One Liners are the best. Maybe we should have a Thread just for one Liners, and the longer ones, a seperate thread...  Just a thought...
____________________
"Success is an Enemy to the Loser of the Day".
"The Reebok is My Church"
"Wanderers is my Religion".
(After 61 years, you either have Bolton inside you, or you start supporting another Team)... Since I haven't started supporting another Team, tells my side of the story).
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Billy Bradshaw
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 4th, 2004 |
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Posted: Fri Sep 3rd, 2010 06:52 am |
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Whats the difference between a kangeroo and a kangeroot?
One's an animal native to Australia.The other is a Geordie stuck in a lift.
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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Billy Bradshaw
Administrator
| Joined: | Mon Oct 4th, 2004 |
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Posted: Fri Sep 3rd, 2010 09:00 pm |
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| The Pakistani cricket team's hotel burned down to the ground last night.Police are still trying to establish who threw the match.....
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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Billy Bradshaw
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 4th, 2004 |
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Posted: Tue Sep 7th, 2010 04:15 pm |
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An American tourist asks an Irishman:"Why do Scuba divers always fallBackwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies:"If they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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Dezza
Member
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Posted: Wed Sep 8th, 2010 03:17 pm |
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Before Marriage and after Marriage , read it downwards then backwards?
john--ah at last. I can hardly wait
Jane --Do you want me to leave?
john --No don't even think about it
Jane ---do you love me ?
john-- of course Always have and always will
Jane --have you ever cheated on me /
john--NO why are you even asking ?
Jane --will you kiss me ?
john-- every chance I GET
Jane --will you hit me
john---hell no , are you crazy ?
Jane ---- can I trust you
John --yes
Jane --DarlingLast edited on Wed Sep 8th, 2010 03:18 pm by Dezza
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Money cant buy you happiness , but would you rather feel better crying in a dumpster , or crying in a lamborghini
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Billy Bradshaw
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Posted: Mon Sep 13th, 2010 09:10 am |
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| Doesanyoneknowwhatthelongstickonthebottomofthekeyboardisfor????
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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Billy Bradshaw
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Posted: Tue Sep 14th, 2010 08:14 pm |
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George Michael has been found with a chocolate bar up his aris.
A prison spokesperson said it was a careless wispa!
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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Billy Bradshaw
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Posted: Fri Sep 17th, 2010 02:56 pm |
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as a family we are trying to keep up with technology. So I brought my son an iPod, my daughter an iPhone and myself an iPod.
I felt sorry for the wife so I brought her an iRon and that's when it all kicked off....
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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Mikel19
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| Joined: | Sat Aug 16th, 2008 |
| Location: | Valencia, Spain |
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Posted: Fri Sep 17th, 2010 09:20 pm |
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| Milton Jones - "When I was in Junior School, the teacher told me to take the class guinea pig home. Seven stressful months later, I arrived in West Africa!"
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“There is hardly anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price only are this man's lawful prey.”
John Ruskin.
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bdi
Member
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Posted: Fri Sep 17th, 2010 10:14 pm |
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Mikel19 wrote: Milton Jones - "When I was in Junior School, the teacher told me to take the class guinea pig home. Seven stressful months later, I arrived in West Africa!"
Hope that it is seven stressful momth, before you return with the Guinea Pig....Lol   
____________________
"Success is an Enemy to the Loser of the Day".
"The Reebok is My Church"
"Wanderers is my Religion".
(After 61 years, you either have Bolton inside you, or you start supporting another Team)... Since I haven't started supporting another Team, tells my side of the story).
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Billy Bradshaw
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 4th, 2004 |
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Posted: Wed Sep 22nd, 2010 06:03 pm |
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| Jonathan Ross has been caught stealing a kitchen utensil from Tesco. He said it was "A whisk he was willing to take"!!!!
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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bdi
Member
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Posted: Wed Sep 22nd, 2010 09:16 pm |
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Billy Bradshaw wrote: Jonathan Ross has been caught stealing a kitchen utensil from Tesco. He said it was "A whisk he was willing to take"!!!!
Suppose he would also say that his favourite player is "Wain Wooney"
____________________
"Success is an Enemy to the Loser of the Day".
"The Reebok is My Church"
"Wanderers is my Religion".
(After 61 years, you either have Bolton inside you, or you start supporting another Team)... Since I haven't started supporting another Team, tells my side of the story).
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Billy Bradshaw
Administrator
| Joined: | Mon Oct 4th, 2004 |
| Location: | United Kingdom |
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Posted: Wed Sep 22nd, 2010 09:19 pm |
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| These new 3D TVs are so realistic. I fell asleep whilst watching a Liverpool game and when I woke, my f*cking wallet was gone.
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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bdi
Member
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Posted: Wed Sep 22nd, 2010 09:22 pm |
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Billy Bradshaw wrote: These new 3D TVs are so realistic. I fell asleep whilst watching a Liverpool game and when I woke, my f*cking wallet was gone.
Lol...
____________________
"Success is an Enemy to the Loser of the Day".
"The Reebok is My Church"
"Wanderers is my Religion".
(After 61 years, you either have Bolton inside you, or you start supporting another Team)... Since I haven't started supporting another Team, tells my side of the story).
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Billy Bradshaw
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 4th, 2004 |
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Posted: Wed Sep 22nd, 2010 09:22 pm |
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| I put a wooden desk and a blackboard in my bedroom. You know, to make it more classy.
____________________
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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bdi
Member
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Posted: Thu Sep 23rd, 2010 05:53 am |
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous… everyone hasn't met me yet.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
____________________
"Success is an Enemy to the Loser of the Day".
"The Reebok is My Church"
"Wanderers is my Religion".
(After 61 years, you either have Bolton inside you, or you start supporting another Team)... Since I haven't started supporting another Team, tells my side of the story).
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Billy Bradshaw
Administrator
| Joined: | Mon Oct 4th, 2004 |
| Location: | United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 17273 |
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Posted: Thu Sep 23rd, 2010 10:11 am |
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| Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.
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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.
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Dezza
Member
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Posted: Thu Sep 23rd, 2010 09:46 pm |
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| I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought: 'That's Aboriginal.'
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Money cant buy you happiness , but would you rather feel better crying in a dumpster , or crying in a lamborghini
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bdi
Member
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Posted: Thu Sep 23rd, 2010 10:59 pm |
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Billy Bradshaw wrote: Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.
Won't mention how many felt Grumpy... After all, it is a Family Forum...Last edited on Thu Sep 23rd, 2010 11:01 pm by bdi
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"Success is an Enemy to the Loser of the Day".
"The Reebok is My Church"
"Wanderers is my Religion".
(After 61 years, you either have Bolton inside you, or you start supporting another Team)... Since I haven't started supporting another Team, tells my side of the story).
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Cowdrill
606 Veteran
| Joined: | Mon Oct 4th, 2004 |
| Location: | United Kingdom |
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Posted: Sat Oct 2nd, 2010 07:51 pm |
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| I WENT TO SEE A PSYCHIC LAST WEEK AND SHE TOLD ME I'D BE COMING INTO SOME MONEY.............CANT BELIEVE IT ........WENT OUT LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING WOKE UP BESIDE A GIRL CALLED PENNY
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Dey took er jerbs
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bdi
Member
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Posted: Sat Oct 2nd, 2010 07:58 pm |
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Cowdrill wrote: I WENT TO SEE A PSYCHIC LAST WEEK AND SHE TOLD ME I'D BE COMING INTO SOME MONEY.............CANT BELIEVE IT ........WENT OUT LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING WOKE UP BESIDE A GIRL CALLED PENNY
Lol.... Like it....
____________________
"Success is an Enemy to the Loser of the Day".
"The Reebok is My Church"
"Wanderers is my Religion".
(After 61 years, you either have Bolton inside you, or you start supporting another Team)... Since I haven't started supporting another Team, tells my side of the story).
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Mikel19
Member
| Joined: | Sat Aug 16th, 2008 |
| Location: | Valencia, Spain |
| Posts: | 210 |
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Posted: Sat Oct 2nd, 2010 08:42 pm |
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| Milton Jones: “My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times”
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“There is hardly anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price only are this man's lawful prey.”
John Ruskin.
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bubbles
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| Joined: | Sun Oct 3rd, 2010 |
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| Posts: | 6 |
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Posted: Mon Oct 4th, 2010 10:36 am |
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I used to go out with a girl who had terrible eczma...
Cracking fanny.
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